Sunday, March 18, 2012

So I will rise again

"Like a phoenix rising out of the ashes, so will I rise again..."

It's been liberating the past few months, taking a step back from a single-minded, one-track pursuit of a dream I hold so dear - to compete in the IronMan, and unleash my love for endurance sports.

While it is liberating on one hand, it has been emotionally draining on the other, as I tried to fill my life with things apart from swim, bike, run; and fail miserably at doing so. 

You see, despite my extroverted personality, I keep certain mundane routines, like eating the same food for months on end, listening to the same song over and over again, and running the same route every day for the past 3 years. 

So the truth be told, despite my withdrawal from IM Melbourne, despite my self declaration to re-evalute my motive for competing in IM, I continue to keep a humdrum routine of training, work and family, day in and day out. Social activities usually take a back seat. Like an addict, I can't function effectively without a daily dose of training, and keep to a strict routine of turning in to bed before 11pm in order to wake up at 3 or 4am to begin training, before heading to work.

And so I continue training and pushing myself to break my own limits every single day. 

Only difference is, I train now with a heightened conscience of my motive, and checking that what I do aligns with my purpose.

Every time I feel like I'm side tracking from my purpose in my sporting pursuit, I revisit my inspiration for triathlons. I don't claim to be anywhere near her standing and accomplishments, but I share her heartbeat for the sport and her clarity of her mission through the sport.

"When I first turned professional 4 ½ years ago I said to my then coach “Brett, I feel so selfish, everything I do in this sport is for me and me alone”. His response “Just you wait Chrissie, within a couple of years, through your achievements, you will be able to affect more change than you ever thought possible”. His prophecy has come true. I have said it before, and I will say it again, sport has phenomenal, far-reaching amazing power. It is a vehicle to do great things." 

-an excerpt from Chrissie's blog:

And so this is my driving force, my guiding light: I have been blessed with amazing resources at my disposal - a healthy body, a strong heart, a quick mind, a disciplined will, and a relentless spirit - I have a responsibility of putting myself and these resources to good use in my area of passion and commitment, and believe that when I do, I am living out my purpose, which has far-reaching effects.  


Vijch said...

Sounds a lot like my disposition as that I'm done with it..all the training, the mundane,the regime,the rituals etc...Perhaps I jumped the bandwagon too soon following the infamous :"U Jump, I jump" methodology instilled in some.My motives became greyed out,my Logic got outweighed by the Vox Populi from the Tri Community and I now step back and look at the Extreme Commitment necessary to carry out this achievement.I'm sure you'll be back just like how I tell myself,now;with a clearer motive,better strategy,and enlightened wisdom. Godspeed.

Angeline Tan said...

Thanks Vijch, for your kind words and sharing your thoughts. We live in a highly competitive society - it's easy to over commit ourselves. For me, it took lots of honest digging and time away (geographically, to the wild, wild west) to re-calibrate my motives and intentions. That said, hey bro, well done in IMWA - very well done indeed. And worth all the commitment and pain, I'm sure! ;)