Committed to a relentless pursuit of excellence, discipline and creative passion. "Of all those arts in which the wise excel, nature's chief masterpiece is writing well."
www.angieacrossamerica.com
Ultra hyped up during the week. Swam on Monday despite it being a designated rest day. Ran intervals, stairs and tempo the next 3 consecutive mornings despite it being an unadvisable thing to do - that's too much stress on the leg muscles and insufficient time to recover. Will I ever learn my lesson?
Apparently not, because I was taught another lesson on Sunday. Riding on a flat road at just 30 kph, I was resting my arms comfortably on the aero bars, charting my training regime while smiling to myself at the prospect of increased mileage and training sessions on a week long holiday, when I veered off the road onto the pebbled area by the side and in a desperate attempt to steer my bike back onto the road, I lost control and crashed superman-style, with my hands stretched out front; scrapping my chest, hands and knees as I landed with a great big thud that alarmed my two friends riding ahead of me who quickly turned around to my rescue.
Lying face down in the middle of the road, unable to move with Scotty on top of me, I peered up at two oncoming cars that screeched to a halt. Out came a big man who quickly ran towards me and lifted my bike off me. I got up unattended, relieved that I have not broken any bones, and sustained only superficial injuries.
My two friends quickly sat me down and took care of my injury, washing it with water and fixing my bike, joking and taking pictures of my wounds.
Through this experience, I'm further convinced never to ride alone, because there is safety and rescue in numbers.
But more so, I'm convinced by the value of my friendship with them who takes tremendous care of me at all times, whether I'm at my strongest at the peak of my training or I'm at my weakest, when I crash and tumble.
I'm thankful for men - for the capability and security they provide, and for the responsibility they take upon themselves, to look out and care for friends and fellow triathletes alike.
I jotted down these pointers for a friend running the Adidas Sundown Marathon this Sat, 28 May 2011, and thought I'll just open this and share it with anyone preparing to run your first or subsequent marathons. Of course, do take note of the difference in the race starting time - Sundown starts its race at 12 midnight; other races typically start at 5am; so adjust your sleep timings accordingly. Otherwise, all other pointers remain the same.
Basic principle
Our bodies are like cars. In order for a car to travel fast and far, especially to last the distance, it has to be fueled up. Likewise, our bodies need to be fueled up to keep running for a long time. Knowledge of sufficient nutrition and hydration is critical. If we prepare our bodies with this in mind, we'll have no problem completing a seemingly daunting 42km marathon (of course, training is the even more critical component here, but that will be covered separately). So here goes...
Sleep The Adidas Sundown Marathon begins at Sat midnight/Sun dawn. You need to rest the whole of Sat, enjoy the day, do things that you like, eat well, eat happy, and get sufficient sleep. I know it’s hard, especially when we’re not used to napping, but try to sleep a couple of hours on Sat evening leading up to your race at midnight.
What I did was to sleep from 5-9pm on Sat and get up to make it to the race site by 11pm.
Nutrition Carbo load on Friday. Eat a little more than you usually do, loading in more carbs – rice, pasta, bread, potato, etc.
Happy breakfast on Sat. Indulge in pancakes, waffles, wholegrain bread, peanut butter toast, etc. Refrain from milk or dairy products as they are likely to make you wanna go to the loo.
Have a hearty lunch – pasta is always a good and a preferred choice by most athletes prior to their race. Pasta is good carbs for a long race.
Have a peanut butter sandwich 2 hours before the race. Or any sandwich you like. Peanut butter is also good carbs.
Take a power gel an hour or half an hour before the race, i.e. 11pm or 11.30pm. Gels usually kick in 15-30mins, depending on individuals. Take the gel to give you that boost to start your first few kilometers of run.
Take a gel every hour. Be religious about this, even if you don't like it. A lot of people dislike taking gel after a few, coz it’s not exactly the tastiest thing in the world, but it is essential to fuel you through the distance and hours.
Make sure you drink sufficient water to wash down each gel you take. Otherwise you might have stomach bloatedness from indigestion of gels.
Water and 100Plus are provided at hydration stations (100Plus at every alternate hydration station). My general advice is to hydrate yourself at every station. Take whatever is offered. If it’s water, drink it. If it’s 100Plus, drink it. If it’s 100Plus plus water, drink both. It’s extremely important to keep your body hydrated during the race – your body is going through a lot of stress and needs to be frequently hydrated. Remember that 100Plus is also extremely important to provide sodium to avoid your muscles from cramping. So if you can only down so much water and have to choose one, between choosing 100Plus and water, always choose 100Plus. You need sodium, otherwise cramps are inevitable. Why? Because your muscles are working extra hard during a long race.
General Attire, socks & shoes – do not try anything new on race day. Stick to the attire, socks and shoes that you have been wearing while training, or risk abrasion or discomfort which can be magnified manifold on a long run on race day.
Run light – avoid carrying items with you, except your gels. Wear a fuel belt if possible, to carry your gels with you on the run.
Keep a consistent pace - don't go too fast nor too slowly. The key is a sustainable pace to get you to the finish line.
Set mini goals along the way, for example, “I’m going to run to the next street lamp”. Or “I’m gonna overtake this guy in front of me”. Or I’m gonna make it to the turn around point at 21km and increase my pace a little.”
Enjoy every step, even the painful ones. It's a great privilege to run a marathon. You are blessed with a healthy & strong body to undertake this challenge, so enjoy the process.
And finally, come what may, please, please, please do enjoy the run. Run strong, run well, and beat the sunrise! ;)
Faith is a strong leader, but she must be carried on the hands and legs of hard work.
Life's journey is one of work (growing up, learning, getting educated, building a career, family, social network) - what makes an IronMan journey any different?
Week 12 has been a week of re-strategizing my training regime for the A-race in Regensburg come August.
An overly ambitious me need to push my body to the limits, while considering my time and commitment limitations, and avoiding the risk of injury.
With extremely experienced and helpful fellow triathletes I have the privilege of calling friends and mentors, I'm ready for the next 11 weeks of focused training and push to Ironhood! ;)
I want a vision that I can pursue my entire life; no brakes, no full stops.
I want a vision that I can lay my life on the line for, and having fought a good fight, I stand victorious, satisfied at steps taken closer.
A journey that I relish every moment of, and not desiring the finishing line to come close.
A vision that I wake up excited to every morning, and makes me see life differently - in bright HD colors and 3D intensity.
A vision that so sparkles in my eyes it jumps out at people I talk to and draw their interest and support for mine.
I want a vision equipped with hands and legs to touch many, to give flight to those crippled by their circumstances; a vision that benefits and better others while I move along mine.
I want a vision that keeps my progress in check; one that makes me put one foot in front of the other, and moves me forward every time.
What was supposed to have been a 20-week journey to IronMan China has now become a 32-week journey to IronMan Regensburg.
As one plan foils and another emerges, I take steps to put things in place. Yet through this time, new issues arise, particularly my many character flaws.
In my bid to pull out of China and register for a fresh race in Regensburg, Germany, I did so swiftly, brashly and selfishly. I did so, afraid of slots being sold out, and did not first discuss the matter over with my husband. I acted like my life was my own and I wasn't married. My husband, calm and composed, made me see the light and how my single-minded pursuit of the IronMan was potentially affecting our relationship. We ironed this issue out over breakfast, and now sorted, I'm thankful for timely interventions like this that burst my self-inflated bubble and keep me in check every time I dangerously steer out of course.
With 3 months to go till race day on 7 Aug, I'm glad for a longer training time to better prepare myself for this race. I'm ready to give my best shot in the remaining days and bring myself strong both to the starting line and finishing tape.
Weak start to just 3 weeks away from the big race in China. Plagued by a sore throat and a body badly in need of rest. Saw a doctor and told to take it easy. Tried to do nothing much but read. No, I don't know how to totally rest and relax. I have to be forced by circumstances to do so. Perhaps it's the kiasu (fear of losing out) and kiasee (fear of losing it altogether) mentally I've grown up with.
A journey to any dream is filled with discoveries, self evaluation and corrections. I realized that I'm measured, not just by my success in one area, but by my ability to balance a wholesome life: family, work, friends, sports, health. For that which I've neglected these past months of intensive training, I'm bearing a burden of guilt towards, and hope to make up progressively.
Realized also that I'm a hardcore Type A, only when it comes to sports. Not so for other necessary traits like a special grace and patience for household chores! I have to contend that we're all created differently. I may have tenacity and discipline in one area, but not the other. But we are brilliant just the way we are.
Rode 162km in Desaru and Singapore on Saturday. Clocked my personal best bike time to-date - glad for that! My last race-pace push. And this much I'm certain - I love the sunny, hot and long stretches in Desaru, and fear for my life with the treacherous traffic in Singapore.
But for now, it's back to rest and more rest. Body's breaking down a little, and I'm forced to listen and take many steps back.
Mon morning 3am greeted me with a hot flushed body. There was no way I was gonna push myself to run 32k so I sat down, evaluated my condition and decided the best thing to do was to sleep in. I have 4 weeks to go and the best thing I could do for myself was to make sure I'm in tip top health.
Am sleep deprived - truth is, for many weeks now, I haven't
been sleeping well - my mind keeps its engine running even while I'm supposed to be sleeping! Checked my heart rate - below 50 resting heart rate - a good sign that I'm not overtraining.
Tue evening: Disheartened with my lack of progress. Unmotivated. Hit a wall. Slept early at 9.30am. Woke up at 4am on Wednesday and suddenly I was alright. A good rest is all it takes to cure an ailing heart.
May Day weekend: Rode in the cold wind, a painful 180km. If I may be plain honest here - riding over 6 hours on your butt ain't a pleasant thing, no matter how much I love triathlons and biking. I contemplated how my body's gonna hold up and bring me through a full marathon after a 180km ride. I have no idea how - I just have to trust that my training the past 4 months have conditioned my body to perform on race day.
Stayed over in the simple town of Sungai Rengit. No matter where I go, one factor always draws me in - the presence of communities - families fussing over their young children, friends chatting over food and drinks, coffee drinking elderlies, rowdy beer buddies.
Sitting at a table having a cuppa by myself while the rest of the gang were still fast asleep, I watched a young family with 2 kids. This could be another Ironman journey of it's own - except it lasts a lifetime. No, not a bad idea.
And there and then, a smile broke across my face. I was thrilled to be right where I was - watching people, watching lives, watching love among families, watching bonds being built; and being oh so thankful for each moment I live.
Recovery week. Lots of rest and less of training. Made dinner plans with friends, worked a little later and tried not to think of training. Was fine for a day or two, but came the third day, I felt restless. Or more accurately, distracted. I wasn't training and applying my mind to focus, and my mind spewed various voices that threw me slightly off course. Oh, the danger of not watching and guarding your heart and vision! I had to battle them for a number of days after, and reinstate my vision.
Yet through this week, I learnt an invaluable lesson, and it's one that I've been forewarned countless times by many well-meaning triathletes that have treaded the path before me - in your pursuit of Ironhood, do not neglect the other aspects of life that matter - family, friends, my other interests, etc. Admittedly, I haven't been diligent in ensuring this, and found myself tipped off balance; my emotional and social well sidelined and compromised. The result - a healthy and fit body, but an empty soul.
Thankful for the realization that came in the nick of time, to rescue me from sliding into an abyss of despair and destruction.
Now, with 5 weeks to go, let's rumble (actually, as I'm writing this, I've only 4 weeks to go, as my journal is always a week late - ha!)
This is an extremely late entry. It's been a whirlwind of a journey, the past many weeks of training and strategizing for the upcoming race in May. I'd love to say I'm well prepared for what's to come, but the truth be told, I'm not.
Am still working out my nutrition plan for the long bike leg. Realised that power gels alone do me no good. Am terrified of them already! Will have to have a combination of gels, sports drinks, biscuits, chewies, sweets, raisins, 100 Plus, Coke... basically anything with high sugar content.
Pushed myself on a 160km bike ride in Desaru last Sunday with a bunch of mostly newly acquainted cyclists. And this is the thrill of this sports - not just new friends, but fit ones! And for those looking for a healthy tan - look no further! Check this out! ;)
Now if I may just take another moment of reflecting on my journey (as I always do), it's remarkably heartening how things work in favor of those in pursuit of their dreams - somehow, generous and sincere people come along to help you get there. It's such a defining aspect of my journey that I find myself repeating my gratitude time and again.
Well, please bear with me, for here I go again: Thank you, to all of you great men and women, in your own ways, who has, and is continually helping me reach my dream.
I've been eating, sleeping, thinking, dreaming, planning, strategizing, talking, formulating, executing IronMan the past many weeks. Never before have I been so consumed by a single desire that totally takes over the course of my life. While I wouldn't say this is entirely advisable and sustainable; well, certainly not sustainable; I might have finally understood what it means to be 100% focused. And can I say, I love being in the zone, staying in the zone, building my Iron laboratory day by day, week by week.
On a lighter note, here's a list of food I totally dig these past couple of weeks:
Bananas, taken before each workout
Soya milk, a great recovery drink, especially after a strenuous workout
Oranges, a great thirst quencher, especially at night
Bread, my all-time favorite companion
Vege, in huge quantities
Rice, an essential I can't do without, in considerable quantity, or I'll not be able to sustain through the day
It may look like a pathetic list, but seriously, it isn't. I'm happy eating simply, but sufficiently, and keeping myself fueled through the day. It's incredibly gratifying to eat, sleep, train and work the way I do.
Push a little further, go a little farther. And that's basically what I do to get from swimming 1km to 4km; running 6km a day to 42km; biking 40km to 180km. Each sporting discipline is a progressive build up of endurance training day after day, week after week, month after month.
I may have just discovered a cure for my restlessness - push myself further!
And certainly it's been nothing short of pure joy and exhilaration than to keep pushing myself to the edge of progress, living on an absolute resolute that sheer focus, relentless discipline and utter faith make the impossible, possible.
There are many things I can do without - diamonds, luxury goods, exotic holidays; but one of the few things I can't do without is physical exercise.
But that's exactly what I'm meant to do the week after Aviva 70.3, my first attempt at transforming my flesh into iron (kidding of course - Aviva 70.3 refers to a half IronMan triathlon race).
Forced to refrain from physical exercises to allow my micro tissues torn during the race to heal, I took the backseat of training, allowed indulgence to pilot its course, and guffawed in amusement as I found myself doing things I normally wouldn't (watching 3 movies in a row); eating stuff I usually don't (instant noodles, Cornetto ice cream); and thinking thoughts I usually guard zealously (a half IronMan is strenuous enough... a full IronMan? Twice the gruel, pain & perseverance? Are you sure you're up to it?)
Well, all of life's an experience and though I wished for the speedy departure of the week of rest and recovery, I appreciate the good it does me - reviving my vision and recharging my body for another 9 weeks of battle till May when I step onto Chinese soil for the first time, for the big IM.
Love makes all things possible. I owe all I accomplish to nothing but love and support from friends and loved ones, my husband and God especially. The amazing experience just yesterday at the Aviva half IronMan is yet another, in what I hope would be a lifetime of greater feats and accomplishments.
I have never been more focused, elated and thrilled than to be on the course, swimming my lungs out against strong currents and getting mercilessly thrashed by thousands of stronger, well trained men and women during the 1.9km swim leg; fixing my gaze on the road ahead as I biked what seemed an endless 90km loop and feeling my heart sink each time I was overtaken by thousands of speeding bikes; and running my heart out in an elusive 21km track that finally saw me tearing as I was just 1km from the finishing point - utterly overwhelmed by His glory, His strength and might that brought me on this incredible journey.
I love endurance sports because it brings me to the core of my being, laying nothing on the race course but my rawest physical ability, mental strength and a total dependence on my Master.
When the hand is set on the plow, there's no turning back. It sets the mind, soul, body and spirit into a propelling motion to achieve greater and greater heights of physical, sporting endurance.
And Aviva 70.3 is just the beginning. As I press on to longer, further distances, may what I do not be a definition of my own dreams and aspirations, but a reflection of what the human body is capable of achieving, when we set our sights above.
Made a final push for a long 121km ride in Desaru despite being unwell. Thankful though, for the good company I was in, who encouraged, rode with me, laughed and joked and dissipated the initial struggle I had with my weak body.
Struggled with a weakened health (attributed to my weeks of rigorous training and insufficient rest) for most part of the week, but always found strength in relentless support and encouragement from fellow triathletes.
With the upcoming Aviva 70.3 race just round the corner, a midpoint of my journey to Ironhood in May, I’m a pretty nervous wreck, I must admit, a thousand thoughts racing through my mind, fighting a mental challenge of completing the race in good form.
Yet through it all, I find tremendous strength in His Word: Having done all, stand.
So stand I will, and trust I will. All’s well. Let’s rumble!
More than anything else, it's time away from the family that training demands. And for that I repent for the long periods away from my husband and family - slow breakfast on weekends, chat sessions over coffee and tea, a stress-free me.
But it's not all sob stories. I thoroughly enjoy wakin up at 4am every other weekday and weekend to train, each and every long ride under the scorching sun in Desaru on weekends; coming home with abrasions and sun rash that last for a week, recovered and to recur again the following week after another ride; but more importantly, getting to know amazing fellow triathletes, many of whom are graciously kind and generous souls.
That said, it's the tenacious human spirit that inspires me each time.
Just yesterday, during an epic 180km ride in Desaru, I came across a couple in their late sixties or even early seventies (judging by the saggy skin and deep-set wrinkles), who strapped large pannier bags onto their touring bikes and were in the midst of their bike tour from Bangkok to Singapore, covering a total distance of over 2,000km. A pair of grandies cycling over 2,000km! I pray my husband and I would embark on such adventures in our old age!
What more can I say? I'm humbled by so many who have gone before me, journeyed the road less travelled, and prevailed only to keep coming back for the challenge of competing in yet another Iron Man, season after season, year after year. Salute! And so here I come, treading after their footsteps.
As I progress in my journey, I'm meeting more and more fellow triathletes, many of whom are multi-time Iron men, and can I say, they're all extremely nice people. Is it any wonder that doctors encourage sports because it benefits not just our health, but our entire well being? Here are some of the fittest people on the planet, and they're also the kindest and most generous souls around.
I have been a fortunate recipient of their kindness, and I know my dream to Ironhood is not possible by my sole effort, no matter how hard I train; but it's made possible only with the help and support of an entire team of fellow cyclists, former and aspiring Iron men and women who train with me week after week, share their invaluable experiences and resources, sincerely and truly going the extra mile to help me accomplish my dream; and whom I now have the privilege to call as friends.
To all of you amazing triathletes, Dawn Riders, runners, Iron men and women - you know who you are - thank you.
This week saw me attempting something very silly. I've read about it, been advised against it, yet I turned a deaf ear and did it anyhow. I went on a low carb diet for 2 days. Given the intense and daily training I'm undergoing, it's rather insane to go on a low carbdiet - I'd need all the carbs I can get to fuel my muscles. For every silly decision that you make, you'd have to pay a price for it. I did - my energy level dropped to an all time low; I could hardly walk or stand and needed to lie down to rest because my head was spinning wildly.
I couldn't train for a day and even when I tried to eat, I couldn't take in much. Yet, despite my weak condition, I forced myself to swim the next day, rode 45km the day after and by the third day, I rode 150km from Singapore to Desaru with a group of fellow triathletes, surviving on power gels and chocolate, and lots of adrenaline.
I have since picked up my carb diet, although my appetite hasn't increased dramatically.
In all your getting, get wisdom. In all your training, get efficient. And undergird them all with sustainability. That, in essence, is a major lesson learnt in week 5.
To put it simply, here's how I build up my training; in fact, this model undergirds every other aspect of my life, including work and personal life.
It's hard to stop learning, when the more we learn, the more we realize how little we know. So as I progress in my training, I'm acquiring life's lesson to better myself not just physically, but wholly.
It's hard for a type A personality to slow down, and this scheduled week of rest and recovery has been a trying one!
As I'm writing this now, the sun is shining brightly outside, and I'm fighting the urge and a hundred good reasons why I should be out swimming. I literally have to turn away from the window and quell the desire to pack my swimming gear and head out the door. Because relationships with people are just as important, if not more important. This IronMan may be a significant event to me, but I wouldn't have been able to push through the strict training regime if not for loved ones who built a nest of warmth and support around me, to enable me to train, guilt free.
So this week is dedicated to them - first and foremost, my husband; and secondly, my parents in law - sorry for all the mornings I couldn't have breakfast with you guys because I was out training! And larling, let's head out for coffee later! ;)
Where in the past families were poorer, hand-me-down clothes were treasured possessions fought for by siblings; in these modern days where new and fancy clothes are easily affordable, second-hand clothes are looked upon with disdain and to be quickly discarded.
I wonder if this speaks true only in better-to-do economies. What about under developed countries where basic necessities are still lacking?
It's so easy to replace convenience with economic wastage.
Or perhaps it's not economical to transport old clothes to under developed countries.
So why are we fixated with having everything new? Why the fixation with gloss and shine? Why do aesthetics appeal so much to the human eyes?
Our practices are a culmination of our cultural environment. Singapore, a small nation run on human resources and break neck speed progress, fixes her gaze at only one thing - to get ahead of all competition and be nothing but the best. It's people, regardless of citizens or foreign workers of the economy; are likewise, conditioned to be single minded in the pursuit for greatness; in the process of which, it is inevitable that secondary things get sidelined. Secondary things which are often values that make us human; values that are found only in the species called man. Values like compassion, humanity and kindred spirit.
Consider China. In its desperate attempt to grow exponentially to make up for the years of closed economy and catch up with the superpowers of the world today, how often do we read of unscrupulous acts of officials and businesses that strove for economic gains at the expense of general health, safety and compassion? To picture this graphically, imagine a sprinter that rudely shoves off his screaming and adoring fans lined at the side of the track, within touching distance of him, who clamors and tries to get a hold of him; the sprinter doesn't look back once. He surges on ahead and even if he has to trample on a member of the crowd that has fallen into his track, he will not stop, but continues sprinting forward - he cannot stop, because time will not stop for him. Such is China, India, and dare I say, our nation, if we lose sight and emphasis of our humanity.
Started the week on a high - barely slept for 2 hours, woke up at 4am and ran 14km. Fueling up more on fruits & vege these days. Added tomatoes to my list of new best friends. The small and crunchy ones. They fight anti-oxidants which abound in an athlete's body. Brilliant!
Just got started on interval (run) workouts. Intervals aren't exactly fun - they drive you like a slave master, and you often feel like bailing out, but if you stick your guns, you'll be thankful when you see marked improvement. Learning to recognize and appreciate good teachers, like intervals.
Enjoying long Saturday rides with my speedster friends, only to find myself pretty worn out and napping for an hour or two after. Like a hyper child made to nap and recharge - ha!
Body is beginning to feel sore and stiff. Occasional headaches. At work, things are picking up pace, so longer hours at work plus intensive training is draining me a little. Keeping myself happy by eating well. Eating averagely 5 smaller meals now. Bread and oranges are my new best friends.
Sustained a fall in the bathroom on Thursday after my bike ride (a sign that I'm lacking rest - currently sleeping averagely 4.5 hours each night). Thankful that accidents happen at home, not on the roads.
Caught a flu on the last day of week 2 - didn't manage to run and swim as planned. Can't wait to be back on track... looking forward to week 3!
Looking at her, I'm sure she will get somewhere someday. She may just be working in a bread shop toasting bread and serving them, but she does them brilliantly fast and well. I'm intrigued, watching her intent focus and speed on the job. A seemingly menial and low paying job to most of the office-working patrons in the financial line in this area, she may look insignificant, but her excellence in her work far outshines the mediocrity of it all.
Her name is Joyce (she wears a name tag), and she works at Toast Box at Plaza Singapura. Do drop by for breakfast if you're in the vicinity in the mornings, and tell me if you notice the most outstanding worker of them all in the shop.
This is the first of 20 weekly updates from now till May 29, the day of my IronMan race in Tianjin, China. Am keeping a journal to share my experience in this arduous journey to Ironhood... stay with me! ;)
Week 1 (10-16 Jan):
All good - week 1 went very well. Very excited and had to resist the urge to clock above and beyond the planned mileage. Only slack was my Sat 90k ride - woke up 45mins past 4am and only managed to ride 60k with the Dawn Riders. That's how much you lose in an hour - 30k. Wow.
We live in a sea of resources that doesn't quite run out, no matter what economics tell us. There is always alternatives, and ways to make things work good, if not better. There was abundant oil reserves, it runs out, no problem, we research and discover alternative sources of renewable energy.
Likewise, books. They don't run out. We are a fortunate generation living in an advance age of unprecedented technology and communication and never found wanting of media resources.
Maybe, deep down, I feel that running might bring me places - across the Great Wall, the Gobi, the Sahara, the Copper Canyons. Maybe, just maybe. And that dream fuels my running everyday.
I'd always wanted to travel; to experience cross cultures. When a lack of finances deprived me from studying in Australia after high school, I held on to a dream that I would visit Australia still - somehow, though I didn't know how then. And sure enough I did, albeit 10 years later, on my honeymoon.
That's just one small example of how my achievements in life don't usually take the typical route, mostly due to financial depravation, but God is mightier than both my internal and external limitations. He has been gracious all these while; and even more so with each passing day. He makes me stronger as I wait, and eventually manifests His multi faceted way of doing things. Indeed, He's never late; He's right on time.
Of course, I haven't quite gotten acquainted to His timetable. Maybe that's because I like to know what and when to expect; while He's more relaxed than I am and unfazed by how desperate or impatient I am. He's cool while I'm not - I'm hot headed and am always wanting to get ahead of myself. It's time I trust Him a little more with my aspirations. Or much more. Or entirely. Because I'm sure what He has in store for me's gonna blow my mind. Simply because He's big and I'm in His plans.
I am free to be who You've created me to be; to pursue my dreams and passions and use them for Your glory. There aren't fixed set rules on how I can glorify You with my pursuits; I listen to the still small voice and pulsing heartbeat that rhyme with peace.
I am not mediocre and will not remain so. I am built for success, great things and much more than I'd ever imagine myself accomplishing. I run to begin the journey of discipline and pursuit that You've placed in my life.
Something marvelous happens each time I run - I end each run feeling bigger on the inside than when I began. My spirit grows bigger and bigger; my dreams higher and higher and my reach wider and wider.
I experience internal transformation I've never experienced before, and the intensity of such encounters heighten with each struggled morning run. It's as if the greater the resistance to run each morning, and the overcoming act of running still; no matter how painful, unfulfiling or unsatisfactory my performance may be; I develop internal muscles of discipline, tenacity, grit and can-do.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory or defeat.
It’s a great pleasure to be able to run like I do - to have the support of my husband and in-laws in the pursuit of my fitness and running goals; to sleep by 10 each weekday night and wake by 5 in the morning; to still wake up by 5am on weekends for longer, harder trainings, despite sleeping later on weekend nights, simply because lingering in bed past sunrise irks and frustrates me so.
Thank You Lord, for peace and security in this country that enable me to run early and safely everyday.
Till the day I outrun this tiny island-state from end to end, bring me to bigger pastures and more magnificent landscapes to begin a fresh journey of running and exploring the beauty of Your creation. Let me never stop running, and may I add, cycling and swimming. Let me never stop, but with every breath of life, let this human body never be limited.
I need something visual in my life, something that will remind me everyday of the gift of life that I've been generously dealt with. And that is why I write - to draw remembrance and gratitude for all I have, scars from points I've fallen and lessons learnt from them.
Love is the foundation from which dreams are built and visions take flight.
My God, being the magnificent Father that He is, decided that not only would He give me the best possible man to live an amazingly great, fulfilling and rich life; but also incredible support from his parents who love me like their own. With this enclave of an existence of life and destiny (from my God) and this rock solid foundation of love (from my husband and in laws), it has become impossible for me to live nonchalantly, not taking stock of what I do with my time, gifts, talents and abilities.
Discontent at non-progress rattles within my bones. I work, with a vision of expansion. I run, with a vision of position. I give, with a vision of mission. I live, simply with a vision of Him - and as long as I do, I keep dreaming bigger and stepping onto higher plains.
As I sat sipping my coffee and munching my toast, with a pen in hand to write my usual morning reflections, I saw a middle-aged father walking in with his teenage daughter. He was dressed simply in a grey collared tee and dark blue berms, carrying a black backpack slung over one shoulder. She was in a bright pink top and white shorts. He ordered breakfast for his daughter and himself, and repeatedly turned over to check that he had ordered sufficient food - he wanted to ensure she had enough to eat. She had rice, while he merely had bread and coffee. They ate mostly silently, except for a few exchanges of animatedly-spoken Indonesian conversation.
The sight of them reminds me of my dad, and created a wishful longing for quality time and intimacy which has been missing from my life for over 10 years.
As I thought of him, I'm puzzled myself that I did not long for a similar intimacy with my mom. Though she played the crucial role of sacrifice in the family (my only recollection of her is just that - lots of hard work and sacrifice), there was almost no exhibit of intimacy, support and encouragement; no providence of knowledge and recreational fun. She was constantly labouring away, making sure there was money for household expenses, the children's education, and savings. There was never a moment of indulgence or luxury. Everything was spoken in terms of money saved. Growing up, she never told me she loved me, was proud of me and never indicated the need to spend time with me, to bond with me.
My dad, on the other hand, though an extremely hard, stern and ready-to-punish man, gave me what every child needed - love, support, encouragement, knowledge and recreation. His declaration of love and demonstration of fatherhood was never conventional - while maintaining a stoic and practical demeanour (at all times - he has never let up or changed, all through the years), he supported me in my love for language; brought me books (from relatives, having not enough money to buy them); encouraged me to read and write extensively; was a strict teacher at home to ensure my good grades; made me read the newspaper and watch the news at nine every night; prohibited me from watching drama serials which to him were a complete waste of time and uneducational; played with me; encouraged me to play with kids in the neighbourhood, saying all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy; brought me and my friends to places adults wouldn't usually bring their kids to - abandoned houses with drug addicts, seedy back lanes of red light districts - in an effort to teach me 'general knowledge' and expose me to the 'real' world.
For all of that, I am very grateful. He was very real, very human. He never tried too hard to become anything he wasn’t. And when I say he was a hard man, he really was. And still is. For all the fond memories he brought me, so many more were painful, for I endured excruciating beatings for my disobedient ways and constant rebellion. My sister was often privy to the display of my bloody wounds, now healed with time.
How very often I've tried to write about my mom, a woman far virtuous and gracious above any other I’ve known, but I have ended up writing about my dad instead. This is yet another instance, a true account of my life, even as I'm still searching for the right words to pen them all down and do justice to those whom I’ve not credited enough.
It's been far too long now that my voice has been shut up within my bones, without a drop of ink to etch these words into permanence.
Today I hear a knocking on my door. No, it isn't so much a knocking as it is a persistent rapping; almost rude sounding, for it grows impatient everytime I ignore it. What you are born with will never let you go. It wraps its arms firmly around your heart, mind and soul - embracing your perfections and imperfections, and simply stands in its place throughout your lifetime, without so much as move an inch or yard. It is a reflection of the Creator's faithfulness to you - the calling is irrevocable.
Today I hear Him, open the door and sit down to write.
It's easier to be served than to serve. My eating breakfast at Macs most weekday mornings serve to confirm that. I could jolly well prepare my own breakfast of fragrant toast, wholesome oat and hot coffee, at very little cost, but no, I'd rather fork out a substantially steeper price for instant breakfast not even specially prepared for me like French cuisine usually is, but mass produced by retirees and students earning less money per hour than the cost of my ultra unhealthy n innutritious breakfast set.
This morning I was resisting the urge to buy a cup of cappuccino but bought it anyhow to prove a point to myself – that men (and by that I mean women as well) are creatures of comfort – we'd rather be served than serve. Unlike animals, whose primary instincts are survival, which includes hunting, preying and evading attack – they are creatures of service.
Yet to serve, to work, is an absolutely essential tool for survival in a highly competitive and rapidly progressing world. Which brings me to this point – much as we yearn for comfort, we weren't created for such. We are created for work, as animals and plants are. The need for comfort and relaxation comes as a reward for our hard work, not a natural given. In short, we should strive to serve, to work hard, and after all these, enjoy the fruits of our labor in moderate proportions. Then, and only then, will we be fulfilled as creatures of both service and comfort.
Today I sit at Macs and take in the cacophony of sounds, especially the high decibel of chatter from secondary kids. What on earth are they doing here in the mall so early in the morning, invading the audio space of working adults preparing to get to work? Don't they have school?
It's too stark not to notice the gregarious bubbles of the youth, compared to the stoned, cold pillars of the adults, mulling over work while chewing on their sausage mcmuffins and sipping hot coffee.
Ah, the weight of the world carried on the shoulders of adults!
Have we grown from enthusiasm to sobriety?
What we lack, we desire.
What we desire, we envy in others.
How do we stop this vicious cycle?
Break the ice that locks you in a segregated and cold world, and step into the sunshine.
When was the last I watched a movie that significantly affected my mental & spiritual disposition? I can't remember, but I did today. The Book of Eli shakes the core of my beliefs in what I have been living by since the day I was born - my faith and walk with Christ.
The Book of Eli invokes a renewed love and reverence for the precious Word of God, an abiding guide to this walk of life and a very present help in times of need.
He is the voice that leads me on a journey of faith, my protector, my shield from harm, my deliverer. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for He is with me - He never leaves nor forsakes me. He neither sleeps nor slumbers, He is my constant victor. In Him will I trust, from this day till journey's end.
For those of who have always wanted to start running for fitness (having read or heard that running burns the most calories in the shortest amount of time - yes, you've read and heard right) but lack the willpower to, here is a piece of practical tip on running that I shared with a friend recently. Read on for bite-size, manageable pointers to help you run consistently every week...
Here are some things I started out with, which you could replicate, but do tailor according to your own needs, ability and schedule.
Are you a day or night person? When are you at your best? You could start by running in the morning before you start school/work. Which means you have to get up an hour earlier than your usual time (tell yourself it’s not so bad; it’s just an hour – I can do it!).
Start by running 20mins 3 times a week, for a month.
By the second month, increase to 25mins, and if possible, run 4 times a week.
As much as you are able to push yourself, do push yourself to go further and longer, and more often. But don’t push yourself too much too quickly, or you might tire yourself out and stop running altogether.
Always remember “sustainability”. You have to develop a running regime for yourself that you can sustain for a long time, and not burn out too quickly. If 25mins 3 times a week is sustainable for you, then do that. As you progress through the months, and your body and muscles get accustomed to a regular running regime, you’ll want to, and good news, you’ll be able to run further and longer.
And on and on it goes. Before long, you’ll be running distances you never think you could run before. It took me a year and a half to be able to run 10km daily. So no hurry, be stern, yet, gentle on your body. It’ll take you places. Most importantly, have fun running! Put on a smile and watch how your smile brightens up someone else's day! ;)
She runs on the soft green grass and falls. Rolling on its soft and moist cushion from the morning dew, she closes her eyes and dreams of lovely days now tucked far away in the crevices of time. When love and laughter filled her home. When dad and mom would talk about bringing her on holidays to beautiful places. When her sister would cook her favourite chips in tomato sauce, burning herself occasionally from the hot oil jumping on her arms from out of the old, worn wok. When she would play with her friends in the neighbourhood chasing down cats and burning their hiding holes.
She was rid of such joy the day her dad left home and her mom called, weeping.
Khon Kaen is characterized by its many big and narrow streets winding through every possible corner of the city; bright colored vehicles; squiggly-charactered signboards hanging on run down, grim-looking shophouses; roadside peddlers selling all sorts of grilled and smoked meat including pork, beef and chicken; wandering stray dogs of various breeds and colors; and many a big-trucker 4WDs, amongst other vehicles mostly of Toyota make.
We for one, drove a rented 3-litre Toyota Fortuner for the 8 days that we were there. My friend, Andre, who's been to Khon Kaen annually for the past 7 years, drove us throughout our trip. He is a display of aggression on the road – he had to, else our 4WD would hardly move an inch amidst a flurry of big and small vehicles, motorbikes, pedestrians, stray dogs, narrow roads and bad traffic.
People
More importantly, the largest city in Northeastern Thailand is characterized by its extremely warm, gentle and humble people.
In fact, if humility has a face, the Thais in Khon Kaen wear it well. I believe I have never encountered a culture more subservient than the Thais in Khon Kaen (I can't speak the same for Thais in other cities including Bangkok and Udon Thani). They have need for little extravagance. It is common sight for peddlers to bring their children with them everywhere they go – putting little ones to sleep on dirty rags of mattresses next to their mobile stalls.
Accommodation
Our accommodation at Tonwa Resort is every bit a natural experience. A mere 5 mins drive from the city centre, Tonwa Resort is set amidst a village – I'd wake up in the mornings to the sound of sparrows chirping, open the door to my room balcony and breathe in the fresh cool December breeze.
Running
After a quick gulp of milk, I'd run the streets of Khon Kaen, attracting many a puzzled looks from the locals. Despite an international marathon held every year in the city which draws runners from all over the world, Khon Kaen has very few tourists. In fact, for the 8 days that I was there, I saw no more than 5 foreigners in the city.
As I ran, I was greeted by the sights and smells of a city deeply rooted in humility. Monks walked bare-footed on the grease stained roads, and on several occasions, I saw locals bowing down low on the ground at the feet of a monk as he chanted a prayer of blessing before making his way to collect more alms. Stray dogs are everywhere in the city – they roam every big and small streets. I was barked and chased by a dog once, ran into a nearby shop, asked the shop owner to walk me down the street and learnt not to run when I see a dog, but to walk on slowly.
Children
We attended a local church service conducted in Thai on Sunday morning, and though I did not understand the language, I closed my eyes and took in the presence of God, and wept at one point when we sang 'Amazing Grace'. Next to the church is Khon Kaen Christian School whose students are a lively bunch of friendly and gregarious boys and girls.
On the third day, we painted the fence wall of the Gerald Khoo Harvest Family Centre, a Christian foundation that reaches out to children in the slum areas adjacent to railroad tracks – providing love, care, shelter, protection and education for the children. I grew acquainted to a mischievous boy named Fhuc. He warmed up to us easily and by the next day when we visited the school, he leapt when he saw my husband Jason, ran towards him and hugged him tightly. I was surprised by the expression of affection from a young Thai boy, and took a deeper liking for this boy whom I have affectionately come to call 'my Thai son'.
Apart from Fhuc, I came to know many other boys and girls in the school who readily smiled and posed for my camera – a sign of openness to a stranger who doesn't speak their language. I wish to return to Khon Kaen again – simply for them.
Moral degradation
Each passing day makes me more welcomed and at home in Khon Kaen, until I learned of a secret that lurks behind the city door – a tale of moral and sexual degradation. A majority of married men in the city has; besides their wives, children, homes and businesses; young teen lovers who are either still in school or dropped out of school as soon as they could in order to earn quick, extra bucks in the sex trade.
In a city where the monthly income of a lower class household does not exceed SGD$300, it is extremely tempting for these young girls to exchange their morality for comfort, especially when they may not be educated on the gift and preciousness of their femininity.
Tales of little girls left to be taken care of by grandparents while their parents are at work, and male neighbours who offer the grandparents alcohol in order to intoxicate them so that these men could rape the girls – are common.
My heart bleeds at the knowledge of such rampant immorality that rages through the city. I may not have been long in the city, but the atrocity against women and the spiritual oppression of lust and greed in the city are real – and in dire need of help and salvation.
I have been privy to the land, people and culture – and I carry now a burden for its soul.
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